to do list. march 8-15

1. start regular yoga routine
2. eat healthier. reduce sugar. reduce salt.
3. finish grant & proposals
4. schedule hair appointment
5. finalize documents for tax woman!
6. downtown trip to cook county assessor's office
7. read & write. for myself.
8. stretch & find time to listen to my breath. breathing.
9. breathe in.
10. tidy up the house.
11. organized cluttered desk.
12. begin detox
13. buy fresh flowers for myself.

on bsg and burnt sienna

1. why did i drink a tall cup of latte an hour before bedtime? once upon a time i use to order bottomless coffee.
2. did i spoil BSG for myself by watching tonite's episode? i am 4 episodes behind.
3. why is style and tidiness out the window? my place has officially turned into one big baby zone.
4. blogging is addictive but not as much as FB. there you can snoop without any obligations to reveal yourself.
5. where did the sun go this morning?
6. i like red. and orange. and burnt sienna.
7. my child has become a baby dinosaur.
8. i'm still not sleepy.

in re-consideration of my work

1. think multiplicity
2. afraid is a country with no exit visas—Audre Lorde
3. tradition. identity. change.
4. this place. displace. displacement. place. placement. cement.
5. diaspora
6. there is no way to experience the performance other than to experience the performance—Matthew Goulish
7. clothing is my second skin

List of 35 at 35

1. I have name issues. I can’t stand it when people mispronounce my name. It’s deeply rooted in racism, self-hate, the INS system, and loss.
2. I am a food bigot. I have “selective slimy mushy food” disorder. It has to do with the consistency of foods. I don’t do mayo, ketchup, soft serve ice cream, condiments, chili, you know…slimy foods.
3. After I gave birth, my hemorrhoids were the size of hot dogs! My ass literally felt like buns holding the “hot dog”.
4. I am an extremely loyal friend. I love my friends. They are my family of choice. My friends have broken my heart more times than lovers have.
5. The first and only movie my whole family ever saw together in a theater was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
6. My family’s idea of fine dining is Red Lobster!
7. I like fruity alcoholic drinks: usually something cheap, sweet, pinkish or comes in a box!
8. I inherited my family’s matriarchal scowl. My mother ruined my wedding pictures (from my first marriage) because she decided to sport the scowl on that particular day! Photoshop wasn’t really an option back then.
9. The last time I felt joy was at my shotgun wedding in Vegas with Elvis, Masahiro and my unborn daughter.
10. I have found no joy in being pregnant, giving birth, motherhood or breastfeeding.
11. I prefer to have the TV on when I am breastfeeding. Usually turned to Oprah, ABC daytime soaps, anything on HGTV or Bravo, or America’s Best Dance Crew!
12. After giving birth, I have a much greater appreciation for my mother.
13. I like to openly talk about my bodily fluids and parts (i.e. hemorrhoids, farts, veejayjay, constipation, odors…)
14. Of the 4 members of “I Was Born With Two Tongue”, I am known as the angry one.
15. My poetry is honest.
16. I plagiarized when I was in 6th grade for a Young Author’s writing competition. I never got caught. I didn’t win. I have never gotten over the guilt.
17. I believe that not all performance artists need to get butt naked.
18. I question Islam but can’t quite let go of it. I claim Muslim as a cultural identity. I think about my soul a lot. It is hard and painful to unlearn ideas that fuck with your soul.
19. I once vomited terribly after a night of partying. My friend’s dog started to lick it up before we could clean up the mess.
20. I miss my ex-in laws. They are good people. Very loving and generous.
21. Learning to let go is an ongoing lesson.
22. I have wanted a tattoo of a phoenix on my arm for a number of years now. Since this is my Chinese birth year, it seems fitting to get it done soon.
23. I got into a bar brawl with a Vietnamese prostitute in Saigon. The bouncer had to untangle us. The two gay guys I was with were of no help. They were cowering in the corner. I still have the scar on my left shoulder from the cut made by the bottles that went flying.
24. I once jumped on a pile of garbage in NYC in the middle of the night. An old man witnessed this act. He stood there. Shook his head and said, “That makes no sense. No sense at all.” It was my first trip to NYC. The air was electrifying.
25. I have plans to move West. Probably LA in 3-5 years. Oakland is also still a possibility.
26. I am Cambodian, Malaysian, Cham, Thai. A quarter everything southeast Asian!
27. “The Girl Who Spelled Freedom” was a TV movie about a Cambodian refugee girl who despite all adversity became a spelling bee champion. That movie was not about me. “Toehold” was the word that ruined my chances of winning my school’s spelling bee.
28. My grandmother Abidah Ali had guts! When she was a young woman she use to smuggle people across the borders – between Cambodian and Thailand and Thailand and Malaysia. She also gave birth to 10 children.
29. I feel most free and uninhibited when I am blindfolded and dancing.
30. Clarification: I am not into S&M (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
31. I write serious poetry. I create serious performances. I am a serious activist.
32. I am not a serious person. I love reality shows and daytime soaps. I say the most “wrong” shit most of the time.
33. I hate liars, people who feel entitled, self-righteous activists, and hypocrites.
34. Okay…hate is a strong word. I strongly dislike the above mentioned people and will make my dislike known to them should they ever cross my path.
35. I told you I was the angry one.